From the Desk of:
President Jake Jaconovich
Two nights ago at dinner, Celia mentioned a report on government transparency that she had found on the internet. The report rated many countries, but had left out mine. My first thought about being excluded was that the individuals doing the rating were unaware of our existence. Apparently, I was wrong.
While still at the dinner table, Andrew my chief of staff, displayed the bad manners of pulling the report up on his Blackberry. His quick scan of the report told him that the authors thought my country was too poor to be included individually and lumped it with several other poor countries then rated us all as having a poor record. This was unjust on their part.
The report turned our dinner discussion toward the decision making process employed by my office. Vice President Anatole, and Andrew were soon reduced to tears of laughter. It seems they think my decision making process is a bit obscure. I am surprised at this attitude because everybody in the country knows that I insist on equality before the law. That is why I fought so hard to prosecute Leon Fortenac and worked long hours on the prosecution of President Hab Vanderholm. Nobody is above the law. I suspect that certain portions of the population in this country cannot grasp this basic concept. Even the rich and privileged will be prosecuted in a manner appropriate to the seriousness of their crimes. If this policy seems whimsical and unjust to others, they need to look at their own values.
As for matters concerning the day-to-day operation of our country, I cannot tell you how I will solve any given crisis before it arises. I do my research then I roll with whatever is in front of me. I do try to work with the facts before me and not run aground on who should do what, or how someone else should behave. Should is not reality.
After giving the matter some more thought, I admit that I have heard numerous complaints that our processes for fighting crime are not open. This is correct from one perspective. We will not disclose the names or the whereabouts of informants. We do not have a traceable system for protecting our sources. I believe such a system would be subject to security breaches. In M’TK Sewer Rat: Birth of a Nation, I describe my efforts to protect Mr. LaBarge after he gave us the information needed to charge Hab Vanderholm. This description is as close as I will come to disclosing methods of protecting informants. Our methods vary from case to case.
As for access to information, I insist all government studies and operational files be open to university students. I do not make personal information about security personnel public information. I know that many have complained loud and long that we have not made certain information available. First, we do not have a file containing government contacts with UFO’s because we have never been contacted by extraterrestrials. Likewise, we do not have files on our contacts with foreign terrorists, or money received from foreign governments. Our criminal and extremist populations are sufficient to produce our own terrorists so we do not need to rely on foreigners for random bombings etc. We are of little economic importance in the world so we do not receive aid from foreign governments. While we acknowledge that we are poor, we are also proud enough to support ourselves.
I also do not believe I need to disclose the extent of our military technology. It is common knowledge that we have two coast guard ships--build in Italy in the early nineteen sixties, I believe. The southern provinces once owned a gunboat that they used for shelling northern villages. Contrary to popular Southern opinion, that boat sank years ago. Its approximate location is about five kilometers offshore, slightly north of a place called Rocky Bay. I cannot produce the boat, but I have just disclosed its location. Anybody who wants to verify the information may go looking for it. Go unarmed, and do not harass the locals.
Another complaint I hear every time we have an election is that our balloting process is secretive and unfair. I assume the accusations of unfairness come from the fact that we will not count homemade ballots. Also, we do not disclose who will print official ballots or the type of security measures used to be certain that only official ballots are counted. We have no way of knowing how any individual voted.
Finally, all of the information surrounding the adoption of our first and second constitutions is covered in my autobiography. I acknowledge that many people of privilege in this country do not call my administration fair. Many of them have been processed through our courts for tax evasion if not for more serious offenses. I want to be perfectly clear that I will not have one standard of justice for the poor and another for the rich. I think this may be the root of accusations of unfairness.
President Jake Jaconovich
Two nights ago at dinner, Celia mentioned a report on government transparency that she had found on the internet. The report rated many countries, but had left out mine. My first thought about being excluded was that the individuals doing the rating were unaware of our existence. Apparently, I was wrong.
While still at the dinner table, Andrew my chief of staff, displayed the bad manners of pulling the report up on his Blackberry. His quick scan of the report told him that the authors thought my country was too poor to be included individually and lumped it with several other poor countries then rated us all as having a poor record. This was unjust on their part.
The report turned our dinner discussion toward the decision making process employed by my office. Vice President Anatole, and Andrew were soon reduced to tears of laughter. It seems they think my decision making process is a bit obscure. I am surprised at this attitude because everybody in the country knows that I insist on equality before the law. That is why I fought so hard to prosecute Leon Fortenac and worked long hours on the prosecution of President Hab Vanderholm. Nobody is above the law. I suspect that certain portions of the population in this country cannot grasp this basic concept. Even the rich and privileged will be prosecuted in a manner appropriate to the seriousness of their crimes. If this policy seems whimsical and unjust to others, they need to look at their own values.
As for matters concerning the day-to-day operation of our country, I cannot tell you how I will solve any given crisis before it arises. I do my research then I roll with whatever is in front of me. I do try to work with the facts before me and not run aground on who should do what, or how someone else should behave. Should is not reality.
After giving the matter some more thought, I admit that I have heard numerous complaints that our processes for fighting crime are not open. This is correct from one perspective. We will not disclose the names or the whereabouts of informants. We do not have a traceable system for protecting our sources. I believe such a system would be subject to security breaches. In M’TK Sewer Rat: Birth of a Nation, I describe my efforts to protect Mr. LaBarge after he gave us the information needed to charge Hab Vanderholm. This description is as close as I will come to disclosing methods of protecting informants. Our methods vary from case to case.
As for access to information, I insist all government studies and operational files be open to university students. I do not make personal information about security personnel public information. I know that many have complained loud and long that we have not made certain information available. First, we do not have a file containing government contacts with UFO’s because we have never been contacted by extraterrestrials. Likewise, we do not have files on our contacts with foreign terrorists, or money received from foreign governments. Our criminal and extremist populations are sufficient to produce our own terrorists so we do not need to rely on foreigners for random bombings etc. We are of little economic importance in the world so we do not receive aid from foreign governments. While we acknowledge that we are poor, we are also proud enough to support ourselves.
I also do not believe I need to disclose the extent of our military technology. It is common knowledge that we have two coast guard ships--build in Italy in the early nineteen sixties, I believe. The southern provinces once owned a gunboat that they used for shelling northern villages. Contrary to popular Southern opinion, that boat sank years ago. Its approximate location is about five kilometers offshore, slightly north of a place called Rocky Bay. I cannot produce the boat, but I have just disclosed its location. Anybody who wants to verify the information may go looking for it. Go unarmed, and do not harass the locals.
Another complaint I hear every time we have an election is that our balloting process is secretive and unfair. I assume the accusations of unfairness come from the fact that we will not count homemade ballots. Also, we do not disclose who will print official ballots or the type of security measures used to be certain that only official ballots are counted. We have no way of knowing how any individual voted.
Finally, all of the information surrounding the adoption of our first and second constitutions is covered in my autobiography. I acknowledge that many people of privilege in this country do not call my administration fair. Many of them have been processed through our courts for tax evasion if not for more serious offenses. I want to be perfectly clear that I will not have one standard of justice for the poor and another for the rich. I think this may be the root of accusations of unfairness.
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