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Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Advocacy

Tiger: a resurrection story.                                                   by Delinda Mccann

11/26/2019

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Tiger and his brother Petruccio arrived on our porch, asking for food. They were both neutered males, so we advertised them as lost pets. I have no idea where they came from, and their humans were never found. Perhaps they came through another dimension, which would be quite normal for Vashon and explain some of the events later in their lives.

Petruccio, a tuxedo cat, was charming. He played with the cat toys scattered around our house and the other cats adored him. Tiger acted more reclusive. He watched his brother play and hid under furniture until he made his way to the nice warm waterbed, and there he stayed. 

Petruccio, however, was a cat made for adventure. He found a house with little girls who would dress him in pajamas and take him for walks in the doll buggy. They were much more fun than I am, and frankly, their house had better toys. Petruccio moved next door. 

Tiger stayed on the waterbed for months, ignoring the other cats. He soon began to snuggle up to me on the bed, nuzzling  his head on my chest. Soon, the nuzzling started to feel a little like bad touch. I narrowed my eyes at the cat and tried to tell myself that the cat wasn’t a pervert. He just liked soft things. I gave him toys. He preferred my daughters’ soft parts. My daughters pushed him away and screamed, “Mooooom! There’s something wrong with this cat.”

I thought he just wanted contact comfort after the trauma of being homeless. I held that belief right up until the evening I held a business meeting at my house. This meeting involved a group of people interested in disabilities, people from adoption agencies, and someone from the state government.  We didn’t have money to hire a room, and my house was centrally located so everybody came to the island.

We sat in very proper chairs in a circle in the living room. The person from the state thought we should play one of those games to build trust and get to know each other. Other people listened to the proposal and tried to pass it off, saying we needed to get down to business, and others gagged in the corner. I sat in my chair, blinking and trying to decide if this idea was appropriate. 

Tiger swaggered into the room, distracting the group from the awkward proposal. He ignored the other humans and walked straight to the woman sitting across the circle from me. I stifled the urge to warn everybody that the cat was a pervert, saying to myself, “Delinda, don’t be weird. Just keep your mouth shut and act dignified.”

Tiger jumped up on the woman’s lap.

I jumped out of my chair making noises about “Sorry, he’s usually shy with strangers. I’ll get him.”

Before I could grab the cat, he stood on the woman’s stomach, hooked his chin into the vee in her low necked sweater, pulled the sweater loose and nestled his head in her ample cleavage. 

Everybody gasped in shock then broke into laughter

I grabbed the cat. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I was tempted to warn everybody he’s a pervert, but that sounded too weird.” I tried to pull the cat away from the poor woman, but he was still fixated on the front of her sweater, making grabbing motions with his paws. I finally got the cat over my shoulder and left the room with all the dignified, important people rolling on the floor laughing until tears ran down their cheeks. That was the end of any suggestions for ice breakers and stupid games.

Like King Solomon, Tiger was a lover of women. I was his favorite woman and he eventually learned to stifle his obsession for our soft parts. He seemed to know when we were sad or sick and would hug and comfort us. 

When Tiger was about thirteen, Hubby and I took a short vacation. We were gone for about four days. When I returned, I thought Tiger had lost weight. I watched him for a couple days then took him to the vet. The vet, Nell, checked him over and ran a battery of tests for senior cats. We found his white blood count slightly elevated.  Over the next three weeks, I watched Tiger, thinking there was something wrong with this cat. He seemed too weak. 

One day, I returned from work and found a message on my phone from my neighbor two doors down. “I have your cat. It looks like he’s not going to make it. I have to leave. He’s in a crate on our back porch. You better get him to the vet right away.”

I stopped to call the vet’s office before I  ran out the door and drove to the neighbor’s, pulling my car up close to their back door. I jumped out, ran to the porch and dropped down on my knees in front of the cat carrier on the porch. I looked through the bars of the crate as my hands shook trying to open the latch. I finally fumbled the latch open, thinking my cat would make some move to come to me. He lay in the crate. His amber eyes looked toward me, unseeing. 

I reached into the crate and stroked Tiger’s fur. I couldn’t see any sign of blood. Maybe he’s had a stroke. HIs eyes weren’t dilated equally. I stroked him again. Touching the cat, I could tell that this cat was way too sick to be moved out of the neighbor’s crate and into mine. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I knew what I had to do. Sobbing, I loaded the cat in the car and drove to the vet’s office. They rushed us into an exam room, and the technician gently removed the cat from the carrier. 

I blew my nose while the technician held her stethoscope to the cats chest. She stood up straight and shook her head. “I’ll call Nell.”

I stroked the cat and shook my head. I hadn’t seen him for maybe eighteen hours. He hadn’t slept on my bed the night before. I felt waves of guilt wash over me that I hadn’t paid more attention to my cat. I knew he’d been weak. He’d started to stagger when he walked, but to …

Nell came in and held her stethoscope on the cat. She shook her head.

By this time, I was sure he was gone. “How could he go downhill so fast?”

Nell stroked the cat and looked at his chart. She shook her head. “It happens like that sometimes, but he was just in here, and his blood work was a little off, but nothing that would indicate he would go like this. I’d like to do an autopsy to see if I can find what we missed.”

I nodded through my tears.

“We’ll have time this afternoon. Do you want us to dispose of the body, or do you want to take him home?”

I managed to speak around the lump in my throat. “I’ll take him.”

I went home and called my husband to tell him what happened. “I feel so guilty that he got that sick that fast.”

“He seemed okay at dinner last night. He ate all his food, but he was weak. His only real symptoms were weight loss and staggering when he walked.”

“Maybe he had a stroke.”

Just before the vet’s office closed for the day, I returned with a nice box lined with towels and one of my sweatshirts that Tiger seemed to like. The vet tech took my box to the back and wrapped Tiger up laying him in the box so he looked as if he was just sleeping under the blankets. I carried him home.

I’d stopped sobbing by the time my husband got home. Silently he got a shovel and went out to dig a hole by the apple tree.

When the hole was ready, I carried the cat in his cardboard coffin out to the hole. Our youngest daughter arrived home just in time to stand beside us as we lowered the cat into the grave. We stood while Hubby read a poem from T S Eliot’s Cats collection. 

My daughter and I sang Hymn of Promise, the resurrection hymn. I got the words to the second verse wrong, but my daughter corrected me. 

Silently we filled in the hole. The sound of dirt hitting the top of the box felt so final.

As I set the table for dinner, I looked at the cat’s empty food and water dishes, thinking I should pick them up. Later, I’ll pick them up later. I can’t do it now.

By the time we silently sat down to eat our dinner, I’d grieved to the point of allowing the thought of how much money that cat had been eating flit through my brain. 

Hubby said the grace.

I looked up and lost all sense of rational thought.

Hubby looked at my white face and turned to look out the window to see what I was staring at. He froze for just a few seconds.

There on the patio was Tiger, staggering toward the house from the direction of the apple tree. 

I ran out the door.

Hubby ran past me and out toward the grave as I scooped up my cat. I stood for a moment frozen in horror at the idea that we’d just buried our cat alive. 

Bless my frontal cortex, it noted. Wait a minute, there’s no dirt on this cat.

Hubby ran back to the patio. “The grave is intact.”

I answered, “Nell did an autopsy. That cat was definitely dead.”

Hubby put his forehead down to do head bumps with Tiger.

I held Tiger close as we walked into the house and Hubby filled Tiger’s food dish. 

Still shaken, I asked, “What should we do? We just murdered someone else’s cat.”

“You said it died on the way up there.”

“Yeah, I guess all we did is give it a decent burial.”

After eating a few bites of dinner, I paced wondering what to do about someone else’s fur friend buried under my apple tree. Finally, even-though it was after hours, I decided to call the vet at home. 

“About Tiger. He just came home. He’s okay. But what should we do about the cat that we just buried. Should we try to find its owner?”

Nell answered, “I’m glad you called. That cat had really bad liver failure, and I couldn’t figure out how we missed that.”

“I couldn’t figure out how he could go downhill so fast. He normally sleeps on my bed but didn’t last night, and I felt so guilty for not checking on him this morning.”

“Tiger is a male.”

“Um, neutered male, yeah.”

“I’m glad to hear that. I knew I’d been saying he and him, but the cat we autopsied was a female, and I couldn’t figure out how I made a mistake as obvious as that.”

My heart rate had slowed to normal by this time. “I’ll call the office and make another appointment to bring Tiger in. If we could believe that sick cat was him, there is something definitely going on with him.” 

I suppose the Jane Doe cat buried under our apple tree saved Tiger’s life in the sense that I did take Tiger to the vet. Nell examined him closer. We eventually discovered that he had thyroid cancer. We took him to a specialty clinic where he was treated with radiation. The vet tech there told me that he liked to snuggle. I warned her, “Yeah, be careful. He’s a bit of a pervert.”

“I noticed. I wear a lead apron when working with the cats, and he tried to get his paw under the apron.”

Tiger lived to a ripe old age of eighteen.

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Wild Places on the Island of Ireland

6/10/2019

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While much of Ireland has been cultivated for thousands of years, it still has wild places where the wind blows and howls. Wild things grow in the cracks in rocks, and the beauty of creation is untamed. I found many such places along the coast. These places are popular with the film industry simply because they are wild, free from the noises of civilization and possess rugged beauty. Alas, my vacation in Ireland wasn’t long enough to explore many of the wild inland mountains and bogs. I need to take another trip.
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Ireland's northeast coast. That is Scotland across the water. This is part of the North Atlantic-a place full of wind and rain. We were lucky to be able to see so far. You have to admire the gorse for looking beautiful under harsh conditions.
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The Giant's Causeway is a popular vacation spot. The visitor's center is off the highway a kilometer up the hill. They do have a shuttle down to the water's edge. The stepping stone pattern is formed from volcanic basalt.
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The Giant's Pipe Organ. On a trail away from the wind we found this basalt formation called the Giant's Pipe Organ or the Giant's Pet Lion.
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The basalt formation reaching into the sea that gave the site its name. This heritage site is always crowded with people unless it's being used in filming for the movies or TV. Scenes from Game of Thrones were filmed in this rugged area. The whole National Heritage Site along the North coast is huge.
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Carrick-a-rede rope bridge connects a small island to the mainland over a narrow chasm. Some people actually think it is fun to walk on the bridge and pee their pants with fright. This is a short drive from the Giant's Causeway.
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We took a boat ride from Eniskillen down the river to Lough Erne and the Devenish Monastic Site. Much of the area is preserved and sparsely populated.
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Devenish Monastic Site. Perhaps an abandoned monastery on a small island in the middle of lake doesn't strictly qualify as wild. The air of desolation and abandonment gave it a wild feel.
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Connemara is mostly set aside as a parkland of hills and bogs pierced by lakes and Killary Fijord. The purple haze on the shrubs is species rhododendron growing by the salt-water fjord.
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The weather was actually decent when we visited Connemara. I loved the patterns of light and shadow made by the passing clouds.
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Our road seemed to follow a valley with hills and a couple real mountains surrounding us.
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The Connemara area has some farmland--mostly sheep grazing in the lowlands between the hills.
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The Burden is southwest of Gallway in county Clare. The area does have some farmland with shallow topsoil over the limestone. This area was so poor, even the English didn't want it. In the 1840's at the time of the great famine that killed a million people, the subsistence farmers in the Burren survived much as they always had because they didn't have English overlords dictating that they grow potatoes and they didn't share their meager crops with outsiders.
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Typical limestone outcroppings along the hilltops in the Burren.
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The Cliffs of Moher. The wind was blowing when we visited. Sometimes the rain or fog is so thick visitors can's see the cliffs below them. This is the Northwest facing part of the cliffs where the Cliffs of Insanity scene from Princess Bride was filmed.
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The southwest facing portion of the Cliffs of Moher. Sometimes the wind blows so hard here, visitors can't walk the trails along the top of the cliffs.
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Ring of Kerry. The Island where Luke Skywalker was hanging out is out beyond the two islands we see. The day was too misty to catch the island with my camera but we could make it out as a darker place in the mist. Many of the Star Wars scenes were filmed below this spot.
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The very tip of the Kerry peninsula. It was beautiful and rugged through this area. I had trouble standing in the wind and actually lost my balance trying to walk with great gusts buffeting me as I tried to return to our bus.
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Lakes on the Kerry Peninsula. This is rugged basin and range country. Few people live here. They do have electricity but no internet. They don't even have a date for installing internet. Some locals don't know why they need internet--truly wild country. Note: This remote-seeming area isn't that far from the town of Killarney--about forty minutes by bus. The northern end of this lake system can be seen in my pictures of Killarney House gardens below in my Gardens of Irish Republic blog.
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Irish Gardens in May By Delinda McCAnn

6/3/2019

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In the second week of May the gardens we visited in the Republic of Ireland were not a riot of color. The tulips and daffodils were gone leaving the rhododendrons and azaleas to carry the show. The structure and settings for the gardens, played a huge role in carrying the gardens through this gap in bloom. I was impressed at how well these gardens rose to challenge of providing interest during the transition. Of course there were enough azaleas and rhododendrons to please the garden visitors
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Kylemore Abby sits a couple hours drive north of Gallway on the edge of a small lake. The azaleas were lovely. I found several places here where the gardens were farther through their season than my Seattle garden.

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The walled garden at Kylemore Abby. These gardens situated well north of my Seattle gardens were way ahead of mine. This is a south facing slope and the gardens do have a wall around them. The wall is covered with espaliered fruit trees.
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My flower arranging and gardening teachers are always reminding me that green is a color too. I loved the layers of shape and form all done in shades of green.
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This species glad surprised me with its substance. I've been unimpressed with them in catalogs. I'm so getting some for my May garden.
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Camasia is a North American native. They grow wild in damp ground here. I was surprised to see it in Ireland.
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The Cliffs of Mohr: Sometimes wild places are gardens too. These tiny little flowers looked so brave to bloom in the wind above the cliffs.
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Killarny House gardens: Look at this setting! This long border and open lawns wouldn't do much anywhere else but here they beg the visiter to sit and contemplate the lakes and mountains of the Kerry peninsula. I loved the use of the tall waving grasses in this border, giving it a constant sense of movement.
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Kilarney House gardens were a bit of a hidden gem. They weren't mentioned in any of our guide books and our tour guide casually mentioned they were open to the public as we drove past. They were well worth a visit. I found lots of unusual specimen plants. These blue columbine are finicky in my garden, but they thrive here.
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This garden used lots of geum-the red things. I have wild geum in my garden. They're not impressive. I was impressed with this domestic cultivar. The flowers are over an inch across and have a nice substance.
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Blarney Castle gardens: Don't waste your time kissing a stupid rock. These are world class gardens on a grand scale. Do take time to walk the gardens and woodlands.
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I loved the way I'd walk around a corner in this garden and be met with something like this blazing azalea underplanted with the bluebells. The blues seemed to glow in this far north light.
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The garden is composed of lawns edged with understory followed by huge trees in the woods. Even in Seattle I haven't seen so many colors of azalea mollis.
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Sigh. Where else could you plant the flaming orange azalea in the same planting as the fuchsia colored one. It worked.
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This is a western red cedar. The brochure I saw called it the most photographed tree in the world. I have western red cedar in my yard. They're native here, growing straight up from one trunk. Who knows what happened to this weird tree, but its fascinating and begs to be climbed.
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Don't forget to look at the little things around the castle gardens. I loved the ferns growing in a rock wall near the tower.
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This is the driveway leading up to Blarney house. It's perfect. The house at the end of the drive comes as a bit of a surprise.
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The woodland was underplanted with allium. Yes, the woods smelled faintly of garlic. This is a low maintenance solution to making the woods look great in the spring. Deer probably don't bother the garlic.
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Azaleas don't get the attention they deserve, perhaps because of their short bloom time. This was a small bed that will soon be planted with annuals.
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Not all color comes from flowers. This Japanese maple begged to have its picture taken.
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Private garden in Kindle: The composition of the gray stone wall, yellow tree and purple flower caught my attention. The golden chain trees were blooming all over Ireland while we were there. They do better there than in my garden. I came home to find mine fried from one 80* day following a cold wet spell.
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Japanese gardens near Kildare. This red bridge provides the splash of contrast to all the shades of green in this garden.
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The waterfalls, stream and stepping stones were the main features of this garden. We found splashes of color tucked into corners but they didn't quite compete with the splash of water.
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Azalea bed at the entrance to the Japanese Gardens and stud farm at Kildare. Since the main attraction here was the stud farm, hubby took one look at this and asked if the sculpture was supposed to represent a giant horse testicle. No. He was just grumpy because he's hauled food and water to too many horses.
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Here we are at St. Stephen's green in the middle of Dublin. We stopped here at the end of our vacation. We'd spent the previous day touring Dublin. I was tired and the noise of the city was starting to get to this country girl. We entered the garden and the noise went away. The hedges effectively blocked the sound of traffic and a half-million people buzzing about. Blessed quiet. Slip into this garden in the heart of Dublin to get refreshed.
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What an interesting flower border. I loved the weird alliums in the foreground. The peonies were blooming and the whole border was filled with interesting things to study.
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Part of the peace of this garden came from the water and the trees. Again I was fascinated by the golden chain. The park was full of people but the grounds are big enough and the plantings thick enough that we didn't notice others strolling about.
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This is the shady back side of the border up above. The blue flowers in the brunnera and hostas were a peaceful contrast to the reds and yellows on the sunny side of the border.
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The center of St. Stephen's green is open and sunny. It's still quiet. The spikey plant in the lower left foreground is a phormium, New Zealand Flax. I try to grow it in Seattle, but it freezes out at about 28* F. This plant tells me that Dublin doesn't get the winter cold that we get in Seattle.
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May 27th, 2019

5/27/2019

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Gardens of Northern Ireland

5/27/2019

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Ireland sits at the same latitude as Juneau and Ketchican Alaska, or Newfoundland and Hudson’s Bay. Despite its northernly location, it has a climate close to that of Seattle. The Roman explorers called it Hibernia—the land of perpetual winter.  That is a bit of misnomer as anyone who experiences real winter can tell.

Ireland doesn’t get much freeze in the winter. I saw plants there that would freeze in my Seattle gardens. 
With the temperate climate Ireland has beautiful gardens. I visited as many as I could in the brief time we were there in early May. ​
Ireland is really just one big garden Not all gardens are planned in minute detail. Some of the gardens are open fields enclosed by hedgerows and stone walls. In early May these were blooming with Hawthorn and Gorse
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Gorse blossoms are lovely and smell strongly of cinnamon and vanilla. The plants aren't cuddly, but they are a favorite for color and scent.
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The rolling hillsides bisected with hedgerows create mesmerizing patterns as we drove past.
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The conservatory at Belfast Botanical Gardens was closed by the time we arrived.
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The palm house in the conservatory. The urn was the perfect accent in this tropical setting. The picture was taken from the outside through the glass.
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Tulips underplanted with wallflower. Great clouds of wallflower perfume drifted through the garden, forcing us to just stand and sniff.
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The planted beds were surrounded by huge trees, some were hornbeams . We don't see them in Seattle. Beyond the gardens was a green where students played frizzbee..
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The arboretum portion of the Belfast Botonic Gardens. They really worth the time to visit.
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A whole bed of bluebells. In the background are buildings from nearby Queens College.
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Tulips and wallflower. My flower customers love any arrangement set off with a touch of blue as this bed is. Blue works well in northern gardens because of the nature of our light.
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This phormium, New Zealand Flax is testimony to the mild winters. Mine froze out at about 28* F.
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This pretty little flower was growing in the city wall in Derry.
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Church garden as seen from the city wall of Derry. We walked about a kilometer of the wall.
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Looking toward Scotland from the north coast of Ireland. The gorse brightens up a misty moist morning.
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Betrayal

3/30/2019

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Photo: Jacob Jaconovich on a small Gerry 
​Betrayal
 
“I still remember the day after the emperor set fire to my portion of the city as if it were yesterday” – Philippe Rouseff on the occasion of his ninetieth birthday.
 
***
 
I took my wife to Mass more to please her than from any desire of my own. I watched as the priest lifted the loaf and intoned the words, “On the night in which he was betrayed…” Bile rose up in my throat at the words.  I knew betrayal.
 
The Emperor, one of my closest associates--a cousin even, had struck at the heart my railroad operation in an effort to destroy my family business. I pressed my lips together to stifle the urge to cry out in anger as the priest held up the cup. When Christ was betrayed, only one man died. I wondered how many thousands burned when I was betrayed. 
 
As the faithful shuffled forward to take their bread and sip from the cup, I shifted in my seat and pondered why that bastard crime boss, Wu, a better man than my cousin, had sent his wife to my offices to warn one of the bookkeepers about the impending purge. As the bookkeeper raced from the building, she screamed, “Fire! The army is coming! Fire! Flee!” Who else had been warned that the emperor’s army marched against the city? Who had time to flee? 
 
I had no desire to spend a Sunday afternoon working, but at three in the afternoon, I met with two railroad supervisors to survey the damage to almost a square kilometer of the city. I expected to find tall burned skeletons of tenement buildings. Nothing remained but stone foundations and ash. The emperor had been thorough.
 
We drove up to the deserted M’TK station. Blowing ash shifted and settled after the passage of my car. My stomach churned wondering how many of my employees’ ashes mixed and blew among the debris of burned buildings.
 
The brick and slate train station still huddled beside the tracks the lone survivor in a wasteland. Soot now stained the red bricks the same black as the rest of the borough. We stood and looked over the desolation—nothing moved, nothing lived. I wanted to hope that some of my people survived, but hope refused to kindle here among the ruins. The workers were only indigenous northerners, laborers, but they stocked my warehouses and loaded my trains.
 
The Central Region supervisor looked up. “What the hell?” 
 
I followed his eyes and soon made out a string of boxcars pulled by the station’s yard-gerry slowly rolling toward the station. Filled with the horror that lay around me, I stared transfixed at the approaching apparition. If I were a superstitious man, I’d have turned and fled in fear of death and ghosts. I refused to take my eyes off of this small sign of life.  
 
When the gerry with it’s string of boxcars towering above it, rolled to a stop at the station, the operator dressed in railroad coveralls lifted a woman down from the first boxcar.  A young boy about ten jumped to the ground. This family appeared to be like any other of the northern poor—dirty and ragged.
 
The man introduced himself as the assistant stationmaster. He unlocked the station for us and assured us that he had locked the station’s ticket money in the safe. He seemed respectful enough. He kept his eyes lowered as custom dictated for a man of his station. 
 
I heard the eagerness in my voice, “Have you seen signs that some of my people survived?”
 
“I haven’t seen anybody within a kilometer of the station. Wu warned me, so I had time to move the equipment. I suppose others had time.”
 
I shook off my melancholy for a moment.  “Listen, you saved my equipment and the money in the station. I must give you a reward.  What do you want?”
 
The man answered immediately. “The Stationmaster ran away when he heard about the army. I stayed long enough to save your equipment. Give me the stationmaster’s job, and let me live here with my family.” For the first time, the man looked me in the eye.The sharp intelligence I saw in the eyes of a northerner surprised me. The man’s humility returned when he asked for help to assist his cousin from the train. 
 
Curious about the new stationmaster, I helped lift his cousin in a wheelchair from the boxcar. I almost recoiled from the reek that still clung to the air inside the car.  I recognized the stench that is created when many unwashed bodies are packed close together. I picked up a small piece of waste paper flecked with fish scales.  The evidence before my eyes and nose told me that many people, probably northerners with their love of fish, had very recently been packed into this car.  In my mind, I saw people filling the boxcars to flee from the fire. I suspected that my new stationmaster had his own reasons for his secrecy, but the knowledge that some of my workers had survived revived a hope that settled into my heart.
 
I turned to the humble man beside me and forgot a lifetime of lessons about the indigenous people from the north. I suddenly saw not a worthless, northern laborer but a man created in the image of God. I saw the man who had saved my people, a man of honor and compassion.  I wondered if he thought of me as just an oppressive Southerner.
 
How did laborers see the elite?   Did they think all of us are as cruel and evil,  as I now saw my cousin the emperor to be? I reached out to shake the stationmaster’s hand, fearful for the first time in my life of being rejected.  –
 
***
This story is told from the perspective of the young boy mentioned here in the book M’TK Sewer Rat: End of an Empire. This is the first record of Mr. Rouseff’s side of the story of the day he met his longtime friend Jacob Jaconovich then the assistant stationmaster. 
 http://www.amazon.com/MTK-Sewer-Rat-Empire-ebook/dp/B00APRA4NG 

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Lucy Goes Home by Delinda McCann

3/18/2019

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Chapter 1 Lucy Learns She Has a Home.

Lucy hadn’t slept decently for almost two weeks, not since Mrs. Celia, who oversaw the orphanage where she lived, told her that her birth family had been located and she had a living brother and a grandfather.  

Her parents had died, but her real live brother and grandfather were looking for her.
Now, her suitcase, filled with her newest clothes, stood by her door, and her beautiful smoky blue suit hung on a peg ready for her to wear in the morning. She’d bought new shoes, cute bluish-grey pumps with a little strap to wear for the occasion of meeting her birth family.

Aunt Gwen had glanced at the cute pumps and good suit and pushed Lucy’s bangs out of her eyes. “Maybe you better wear walking shoes and casual clothes. Your family doesn’t live near any towns or villages.”

Lucy ignored Aunt Gwen.  She wanted to look her very best for her real family.
Papa Jake, the president of the country sat down beside her in the Compound library where she did her homework. “I’m familiar with that area somewhat. You best wear sandals for the trip to the border.  Native peoples in Mesa and Montsea provinces wear sandals.” 

Alone in her room, Lucy stroked her cute pumps. They did have a strap on them like sandals.  Lucy turned the shoes over in her hands, remembering how other children at school wouldn’t play with her before Mrs. Celia came and moved her orphan family into The Compound and gave them pretty new clothes. The first thing she learned in school was that children who aren’t pretty and don’t have pretty clothes aren’t liked. She lifted the shoe to her nose and sniffed the new leather smell, believing there was a greater chance her family would love and respect her if she looked beautiful and stylish. A tear ran down her cheek as the fear of rejection broke out of the prison in her brain where she kept her most horrific memories. Her family had thrown her away before. Her stomach knotted with the desire to be loved and accepted now.

At dinner, Mrs. Celia seemed to understand Lucy’s fears that her birth family wouldn’t love her and hugged her saying, “Wear whatever gives you confidence. Pack your comfortable clothes where they’ll be handy when you need them.” 

Lucy had long imagined her mother would have been just like Mrs. Celia, who seemed to understand a girl’s heart and loved everybody, even children who sometimes misbehaved or didn’t do their schoolwork. She’d never known her mother and felt just a little bit thankful there wasn’t a mother somewhere to compete in her heart with Mrs. Celia.
 
Lucy knelt at the communion rail after Compline. She lit a candle, placing it carefully in a holder. “Father in Heaven, thank you for my brother Curtis. Forgive me for feeling thankful my parents had not thrown me away and forgive me for all the years I feared they had. I wish they’d lived, but I’m thankful they hadn’t just…” Tears slid down her face. She fished in her pocket for a tissue to blow her nose. “I don’t mean to be sinful, and I’m really thankful I have a grandpapa and a brother.” She looked up when she felt someone beside her.

Papa Jake knelt beside her at the rail. He wiped at her tears with his handkerchief, then turned and sat on the kneeling rail beside her. “Now, tell me what has you so upset.“

“Am I bad for feeling thankful when my parents are dead?” Lucy sniffed and blew her nose on the handkerchief Papa had given her.

He patted her shoulder. “No. No, you’re not wrong. It’s a good thing to be thankful your parents loved you. It’s good to be thankful that you know the history of how you came to be placed in an orphanage.” He adjusted his weight on the narrow rail. “Your family must have been very poor. Some of our mountain communities are poorer than anything you’ve seen in the city. Your Grandpapa wouldn’t have had anybody to take care of you while he worked long hours. He may not have had food for a baby.” Jake looked up into the dark reaches of the cathedral dome. “In my travels, I’ve met people who have little more than a hut, who live off lichens, roots and whatever small animals they can find. When you visit your brother and grandpapa, you’ll see such poverty. I don’t want you to be discouraged or shocked. The poverty is one reason I want all our people to adopt a modern lifestyle.”

Lucy nodded and sniffed, but Papa Jake’s admonitions about poverty flew over her head as her overactive imagination conjured an image of her grandfather in faded and tattered clothes standing at the door to small one-room cabin holding out his arms to his returning granddaughter. The words to describe her relief at being assured her parents had loved her do not exist outside the human heart.

After two weeks of worry, tears, thanksgiving, and fear, Lucy boarded the first morning train to Mesa City. She managed to sleep a little once the train left the station.  She was accustomed to traveling with Mrs. Celia to visit the other orphanages, so she confidently wheeled her suitcase to the platform for the train north. She sniffed the spicy scent of meats and sweet treats prepared by vendors in stalls beside the station. Her stomach growled asking for food. Her throat constricted. She glanced again at the stall selling fried bread with honey and cinnamon on it.  She sat on a bench. I’ll get fish and bean cakes on the train.

After breakfast, she sat looking out the window without seeing the fields and rivers flying past her window. What will Grandpapa be like? The letter from the nuns said it’s my brother who’s looking for me. Will Grandpapa be angry that I’m visiting? What will we eat? Do they eat lichens like Papa Jake said? Surely they must have some sort of hut. Will my brother hug me? Do they speak the common language? What if they speak a dialect I don’t know?  She got up visited the restroom for the dozenth time.

A voice on the intercom interrupted her fantasy in which her brother, a big mountain man like her adoptive brother, U’Kee, handed her a bouquet of wildflowers and said, “You look just like I remember Mama.”
​

Tears slid down Lucy’s cheeks as the conductor’s voice echoed through the car. “Three-rivers station. Arriving at three-rivers. This is the end of the line. Check that you have all your packages and luggage before you get off the train. Thank you for traveling with Rouseff Rail Services.”

Will Grandpapa accept the granddaughter he sent away sixteen years ago? For all of Lucy's adventures you can find the book at: https://www.amazon.com/Lucy-Goes-Home-Sewer-Book-ebook/dp/B07JYKKSF1/ref
​


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The Bench By Delinda McCann

3/9/2019

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The old woman saw the bench sitting alone and thought it looked lonely sitting there beside the path through the woods.  She rested her weary body on it and patted its moss-covered wood in gratitude for this respite on her daily walk.


She sat and let her eyes flutter closed as her mind drifted into the past.  She remembered the red dress she wore the night she first saw Carl. Her lips curved in the slightest of smiles as she remembered her young love--so tall and strong.  She chuckled in her mind as she remembered how he couldn’t take is eyes off of her. She snorted. “He couldn’t take his eyes off of my breasts is more like it.” Her memories gave her energy enough to push herself to her feet and move on.  

The next day the bench still waited for the old woman to rest on its aged wood.  She patted the mossy surface and let her eyes drift closed. She smelled the damp air as the weak sun tried to dry up the last of the night’s rain.  She remembered the big flood. Their house sat on a small knoll surrounded by water. Many of their neighbors had not been so lucky. Carl had taken his rowboat from house to house rescuing stranded neighbors and bringing them home.  She remembered how she’d fed forty-three people soup and bread. She sighed pushed herself to her feet and resumed her walk.

The next day, the old woman greeted the bench as an old friend.  She sat and remembered when her babies had come. A tear rolled down her cheek as she remembered the grave of little Marie.  She’d been born so tiny, but had fought so hard to live. “Dear Lord, take care of my baby. I miss her,” she prayed then pushed herself to her feet to continue her journey.

On the fourth day, the old woman sighed as she eased her frail bones to the rough surface.  She didn’t have to wait for the memories. They flooded her senses. She remembered when her son, Dale, went away to war and the day he came home in a coffin.  She remembered how Carl had held her as he cursed the foolishness of men who make war. She remembered how Beth grieved for her brother then followed him a few months later as cancer claimed her body.  The old woman heaved a great sigh and thought, “Soon,” as she struggled to her feet.

On the fifth day, the old woman stumbled as she approached the bench.  What memories would torment her soul today she wondered? A great sigh welled up from the depths of her being, but no memories of loss plagued her today.  Today, she remembered traveling with Carl to Venice. They’d stayed on the Lido. She remembered how he held her hand as they rode in a gondola. They ate lunch and drank wine in St Marks’s plaza.  He bought her a cameo on a chain. She bought him a yellow tie with lions on it. She remembered the warm sun of Italy and longed to be warm and loved.

After her happy memories of Italy the old woman approached the bench the next day, hoping for visions of the good days when Carl held her in his arms and made her laugh.  She thought of Carl and her knees gave out as she lowered herself onto the bench. Instead of joy, she remembered the night he passed on. She remembered wondering when her handsome young husband had become an old man.  A warm feeling spreading from her heart surprised her as she remembered how Carl had turned to her at the very end and whispered, “I’ll be going now. Always remember that I love you and will love you ‘til the end of time.”  The old woman pressed her hands to her heart to hold the memory of Carl’s love inside her as she struggled to push herself upright.

At the end of the week, the old woman tottered and wheezed as she made her way to her bench.  The young nurse had told her to say inside because the wind blew so cold, but the nurse didn’t know anything.  At the bench, she remembered. She lived again. As the elderly woman sank down on the rough wood, she longed for her mate.  She closed her eyes but no memories flooded her brain. She thought, “It is cold I best go in.”

She smoothed the folds in her red dress and looked up to see Carl.  His voice warmed her tired body as he almost lifted her from the bench.  “Come my love, the children are waiting.”

Nurse Daphne leaned close to the window as she peered out and shook her head.  She turned to one of the nursing assistants in the home. “Steven would you go out and bring Rose inside.  That crazy old woman is sitting in the cold.”


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Garden show: Reality VS Fantasy.                                  By delinda McCann

3/3/2019

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One of the greatest joys in my life is the Pacific Northwest Flower and Garden Show. I go every year and wander among the display gardens, crafts, art, and products I could never afford. I think of it as being something like visiting Narnia. We walk through the doors and suddenly the  flowers are brighter than in our gardens that still sleep. In early February my garden is like it being “always winter and never Christmas.” It’s really pretty dead, and this year it was still covered with patches of snow.

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My garden in winter.
PictureThe light colored leaves are my baby sage. The dark colored leaves on either side are the hyacinths.
The garden show is spring before it is really time for spring. The flowers bloom without frost damage or water spots. The air is scented with fragrant hyacinths while my hyacinths at home are just sticking their noses out of the ground as if testing the temperature to see if they really want to come up and bloom. This year, they don’t.

As in a proper Narnia, the walls and gardens are both exotic and funky. A garden gate must have a window for the big people to look out and a lower window for the little people to look out. Narnia has houses for big people, little people, foreign people, nomads and of course the tower for the princess.
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I loved these garden gates, but they are in the category of things ordinary people can't afford.
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A Moorish style garden. I liked the colors here.
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The house for little people
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And the tower for the princess. This was in the Irish garden.
PictureThis baby herbs looked sweet but the container is nowhere big enough for them.
The sense of fantasy can be something as big as a dragon or as little as an herb garden. I looked at the charming little herb garden with the sweet little herbs growing so obediently in their little rows. This is Narnia, folks. I do grow herbs. My bay tree is ten feet tall. My rosemary is six feet tall despite the heavy pruning I give it every year. The parsley has gone dormant, but the thyme thrives. My tender herbs grow two feet tall and shade out or just overpower anything with in two feet of them. They aren’t nice. They’re thugs. They have to be in order to survive in the reality of my garden.

​

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My sweet bay tree with the lighter colored six foot rosemary in front of it.
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Garden thyme takes up more room than you think.
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The tent was enchanting with it's blown glass chandelier.
A tent in a garden is a wonderful place to hang out and listen to the birds, the wind in the trees, and the coyotes howling in the enchanted forest. At the garden show even the tent is unreal with it’s blown glass candelabra and rugs on the floor. In my own enchanted forest we can hear the wind and the birds and even the coyotes, but the tent better have a tarp over it to keep the rain out and why in the real world, does everything have to be an unnatural blue?
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We do have a tent in the garden. Hubby likes to go out there and listen to the wind and wild things.
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The tent has a chair, a cot and a heater--no chandeliers here.
I want glowing orbs in my garden. Where do I get glowing orbs? What I do have is the rope lights inside the cold frame. This is just not the same as soft pink glowing orbs. These would be so lovely in the enchanted forest.
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I fell in love with the pink orbs. They would look so magical in my enchanted forest.
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Cold frame for collards and cabbage. I use the rope light for light and a bit of heat. We've been eating the collards so this system works.
PictureThis little garden with all it's tidy plants would so not last in my yard where everything tends to sprawl and crowd out the neighbors.
In Narnia, all the plants grow in tidy rows or circles. The sense of unreality expands in a garden with topiary, as all the shrubs grow in their proper form. Alas, the fantasy explodes when we find the garden designer working hard to keep his display looking fresh. I thought he would make a nice element in my garden but security got testy when I tried to drag him out to my car and stuff him in the trunk along with my new pruners and bulbs. I can still hire help from the local garden store, so I left this worker where he was.

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Tony misted to keep his topiary looking fresh. Narnia is more work than we might think.
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I'm extremely thankful for my garden workers.
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Tony works at Redwood Builders Landscaping and asked that I post his sign if I took a picture of his reality.
PictureI took lots of pictures of waterfalls. I have some excellent places for waterfalls in my garden.
Alas, even Narnia has it’s troubles. It lasts only five days before the whole thing is dismantled and disappears until next year. Meanwhile, my own garden will grow and bloom. The ducks and goose will waddle around eating slugs and pecking at weeds. They add a sense of funky movement to the garden. The birds come back from their warm winter homes. My garden will live again and be what it is, a little farm on the edge of an enchanted forest.

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The ducks are camera shy and ran for their pen when they saw me coming with the dreaded camera. Maybe it is just Basil the goose who hates cameras. He protects the rest of the flock.
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The garden in winter. I use raised beds because my soil is toxic from the ASARCO smelter in Tacoma. These will be choked with color in July.
Acknowledgement: tony@redwoodlandscaptingand builders.com 
​
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Garden Show 2019: Why? By Delinda McCann

2/23/2019

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PictureSpring flower display near the entrance. This is the first floral announcement that we've arrived at the Garden Show.
The Annual Pacific Northwest Garden Show is winding down in Seattle. I visited for two days this year. This was my thirty-first garden show. I have attended every one of them. Why do I go back? Certainly the dreams of spring and summer during the cold wet winter are a huge draw. I love seeing all the color and smelling the spring flowers. The seminars are informative. I’ve actually found new products at the show that have made life easier for me. I always buy some chocolate bars from a company in Mt. Vernon. Maybe it’s the chocolate that draws me back year after year. 

I really think it is the whole delightful combination of flowers, fragrance, lessons, light, products, music and inspiration that draws me back. I get inspired to think in new patterns. Thinking is hard. Having an event that stimulates so many areas of my brain through all my senses kick-starts my year after semi-hibernating all winter.

​

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This guy is so perfect for my enchanted garden. He's also very doable.
PicturePoster for the drone that sprinkles zinc granules on the roof. A decent idea for steep roofs in hard to reach places.
The product that ticked my sense of humor this year was the drone that sprinkles moss retardant on roofs. My hubby obsesses about moss on the roof. Twice a year we must apply moss killer to the roof. He even fell off the roof applying moss retardant.  He really is obsessive about moss on the roof. Our roofs have a zinc strip across them to retard moss but hubby still climbs up there or sends his chore helper up there to apply more moss killer. Okay, I laughed at the drone. Seems like a lot of trouble just to keep moss off the roof. 

My friend has a six-inch deep eco-lawn on her roof-all made of different kinds of moss. It grew all by itself and never needs maintenance. I’m not sure our roof will last any longer than the moss covered roof. I laughed at the drone and took the slip of information the sales rep wanted to give me. 

I was still laughing over the drone when I got home and told my husband about it. He didn’t laugh. He looked at my pictures and asked questions then filed the precious contact information in his house-maintenance file. Sometime in the next year, we will have a drone flying over our house sprinkling moss killer on the roof. The garden show is life changing.

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Here is what the drone looks like in real life. The gray canister holds the zinc granules.
PictureOne thing that made the culvert work was the blue lighting on it. Lights would work. With time landscaping would soften this up making the lighting less of a feature.
I fell in love with a culvert. This puppy must be six feet tall. I assume it’s real purpose would be for storm water runoff. However, set on it’s side in the garden, it would make a lovely entrance into my enchanted forest. We are really talking about a sewer pipe here-nothing fancy, but with landscaping it could be stunning and define where the road leaves off and the garden begins. Hubby looked at my pictures and commented, “You could plant a pink clematis by it and the flowers would hag down over it making it look like it belongs in the landscape. He’s right. Clematis Montana would be the perfect planting to go with a six-foot tall gray drain pipe sitting beside the driveway. ​

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Another views of the culvert. I really have no idea what the thing is. Part of a septic tank? In my big garden with it's tall trees I need massive accents.
PictureForte Chocolates Mount Vernon Washington 98273 www.fortechocolates,com

One of my favorite products at the garden show is the chocolate make by Forte Chocolates in Mt. Vernon Washington. I can’t say which is my favorite flavor, but the white chocolate with rosemary and pepper is one of my favorites. The Espresso Bean bar has flecks of ground espresso beans in it. They make an orange flavor and a honeycomb bar. I have no idea what the ones with nuts taste like because of my allergy to nuts. 
​

Poor hubby fingered my stash of candy bars wistfully. “I wouldn’t think rosemary and pepper would be all that good.” He’s allergic to chocolate so he’ll never know. I got to thinking about how much I enjoy these weird flavored chocolate bars. Finally, from the depths of my brain, two ideas collided. I could make sugar cookies in my favorite candy bar flavors. I have lots of Rosemary in my yard. We have ground espresso beans. Hubby can get a hint of the wonderful flavors I enjoy in the chocolate bars.
So what keeps me going back to the garden show year after year for thirty-one years? The ideas and the brain stimulation pull me in. I see new ways to do things to make life easier or more fun. The garden show won my loyalty by stirring my sense of creativity.



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I loved the depth these windows in the wall gave this display garden. This is a more civilized version of my culvert.
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I love whimsical details in the garden and this would go well in my enchanted forest. I thought of it as a suitable home for Mary Nortons Borrowers.
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This drew me in. I loved the pink glowing orbs. My enchanted garden needs more soft glowing orbs.
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The waterfall. I do have two places with abrupt changes in elevation. I'd love to put in waterfalls. Hubby doesn't want waterfalls that attract our ducks.
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A different waterfall. Yes, our ducks would play in this and get it all muddy. Still it is a way more attractive enhancement to elevation changes that the brambles. are.
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I was impressed with the drama that can be created in small spaces. We have so many colorful succulents available now.
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This is from the gardening in small spaces exhibit. A pallet garden really does work and can produce an amazing number of flowers and vegetables.
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Even a small space can be a colorful garden. I love to look at the small space gardens because my acre and a quarter is really just many small spaces that must be complete within themselves and blend into the whole.
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    Delinda McCann is a social psychologist, author, avid organic gardener and amateur musician.

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